Am I a Monster?


Everyone around me seems very happy. Come to think of it, if an outsider sees me, he would think I am thoroughly enjoying this dine too. Maybe they are not as happy as they look. They might be fighting their own demons too. Well whatever the case is, I am certain not a single one here is going through the trauma and guilt of murdering an alive Homo sapien. Well I didn’t mean to kill her; I swear I just didn’t know what to do.

“Can you pass me the butter, please?”

“Uh yeah, sure” I pushed the salt to his side. The puzzled look in his face confused me.

“No, I want the butter bro! B-U-T-T-E-R”

I apologized for the sake of mannerisms and gave him the butter. He was like “Are you alright bro? You don’t look well” and I just gave him a smile and told him the truth.

“I’m just having a little headache because of today’s work. I think it’ll be alright by tomorrow” He genuinely didn’t care what my answer was because he was too busy applying butter to his bread.

“You can’t lie to me, you enjoyed that moment didn’t you?” the inner voice started to fill my head again.

“NOOO…” I screamed inside my head.

I thought we had passed this point. I only killed her because she was trying to kill me. I am not a murderer; it’s just self-defense, that’s all. Even though I keep telling that to myself, a little part inside me enjoyed watching the hot blood that gushed through her heart when I stabbed her. No matter how much I try to deny it with my sense of morals, I can’t believe I enjoyed murdering someone.

“Killing a killer won’t change the number of killers so why would you stop with one?”, another voice blurted out inside my head.

“You are a monster”  “You Are a Monster”  “YOU ARE A MONSTER”  “YOUAREAMONSTER” “YOUAREMONSTER” As the silent whisper turned into a massive scream inside my head, my head started to feel like it’s holding something heavy.

I also felt something pressing against my legs. Surprised by the second sensation, I looked down and found one of the most beautiful kittens in my life and after making eye contact, it meowed at me softly. So I tried to give him a little portion of the fish I was eating, only to be interrupted the voice of the lady telling me “don’t let that cute face of the kitten fool you, he already had a lot of food today”. But it seemed like her warning was a little too late because the little kitten grabbed the fish I wanted to give him and ran faster than Usain Bolt!

“That little devil!” she exclaimed and a wave of laughter started. I joined in.

-To be continued-

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