I’m most certain that if you asked a random child with non-impaired intelligence about a woman who was raped and killed or harassed in public , they wouldn’t answer “she was asking for it.” Yet, this is something all of us have heard more than once in our lives. The whole point there is that this response is not something innate or the result of a purely reasonable assessment of the situation but rather a projection of learnt societal and cultural attitudes that shifts the blame from the perpetrator to the victim. That is exactly why a child, unburdened by prejudice and social conditioning, would never look at a victim of rape and murder and conclude “she was asking for it.”
Funny enough , the most famous justification cited for the statement is the ‘provocative clothes’ worn by women. You should really check out the “What Were You Wearing?” ,a powerful installation created to challenge this myth. It features 103 outfits representing 1.3 billion sexual assault survivors globally, displayed at locations including the UN Headquarters, World Economic Forum at Davos, and Brussels Parliament. These include pajamas, school uniforms, professional attire, and even children’s diapers proving that sexual violence is not about clothing but about power, control, and misogyny. Statistical analysis confirms this: research shows no correlation between style of dress and sexual victimization.
Despite the obvious stat data, let’s say[hypothetically] women who dressed provocatively were the ones targeted by rapists. Even if that was the case, shouldn’t men have the ability to override immediate impulses and simply have some abstract thought and complex reasoning to distinguish the right from wrong? Even if they aren’t morally developed enough to distinguish the right from wrong, shouldn’t they have basic emotional intelligence? [Empathy and self-control are what separate humans from less cognitively developed animals].
Of course it’s easier to just comment that ‘she was asking for it’ and blame the victim but real strength lies in raising your voice to address what’s really underneath.
Sexual assault is not the only form of gender-based violence.
- Domestic violence: Physical, emotional, and psychological abuse within households.
- Workplace harassment: Discrimination, intimidation, and exploitation in professional settings.
- Economic violence: Denial of financial independence, wage inequality, and exploitation.
- Cultural violence: Harmful traditions, forced marriages, and honor-based crimes.
Each of these represents a manifestation of systemic inequality and the devaluation of women’s autonomy, safety, and humanity. These forms of violence are experienced by women all over the world almost every day.
‘ORANGE THE WORLD’: WHAT CAN WE DO?
The 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence, running from November 25 (International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women) through December 10 (Human Rights Day), calls on all of us to take action:
- Challenge normalized violence: When you hear victim-blaming, speak up. Silence is complicity.
- Educate yourself and others: Understand consent, coercion, and the systems that
enable violence. Share resources. Have difficult conversations. - Advocate for systemic change: Support policies that protect survivors, hold perpetrators accountable, and address root causes.
We as humans are just one thought away from stopping violence. Violence is not inevitable it ispreventable. This isn’t just a women’s issue. It’s a human rights crisis that demands collective action. So before we condition women to act a certain way and dress a certain way as not to ‘get harassed’, why don’t we teach the young boys some basic human decencies?
After all, she in fact was ‘asking’ for a world just, safe and protective.
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Written by: Pruthivi Hapuarachchi