“Pass the scholarship exam, and get into a good school. Then you’ll be happy.”

“Study hard, get into university. Then life will be better.”

“Get a first-class degree, a good job, a better partner. And then…”

Sound familiar? If you’re nodding along, you’re not alone. Most of us have been there, sitting through lectures or family dinners, hearing about this mythical “dream life” waiting for us a life where everything is perfect because we worked hard enough to earn it.

We were all trained to believe this, weren’t we? From childhood, societal and cultural expectations piled on us like bricks, building this idea that happiness is always one achievement away. It’s a seductive promise, but here’s the truth: that list of “and thens”? It never ends. And chasing it is exhausting.

The expectation that happiness is just beyond the next milestone creates a treadmill effect. We push ourselves to reach the next goal, only to find the next rung dangling just out of reach. This never-ending chase, while well-intentioned, often leads us to undervalue the present and overlook the happiness already within our grasp.

By the time most university students hit their second or third year, they realize the harsh truth: life doesn’t magically get easier or happier just because you checked another box. But here’s the good news you can still find joy, fulfilment, and happiness, and you deserve it.

Looking back, my undergraduate years were some of the most pivotal in my life. It was a time of discovery, where I figured out my values, my strengths, and yes, my boundaries. And while every journey is different, here are five lessons that helped me embrace joy during those years. My hope? That they resonate with you or inspire you to find your own path.

Be You. You Don’t Have to Fit In.

Growing up in a middle-class, single-income family with a dad who was a police officer, life wasn’t exactly smooth sailing. Money was tight, and I was given a fixed allowance each week. That meant no weekend outings, no spontaneous dinners, and no big events. By the second semester, my friend group started planning things without me.

One day, I opened our WhatsApp group chat and was greeted with photos from a Friday night outing I hadn’t even known about. The same group I had spent the afternoon with until 5 p.m. had decided to go without me. My heart sank.

I stared at the pictures smiling faces, fancy food plates, and inside jokes in the captions. The familiar pang of exclusion gnawed at me. I couldn’t understand. Had I done something wrong?

“Hey, why didn’t anyone tell me?” I finally typed, my fingers trembling slightly.

The response was silence a silence that seemed to stretch forever before one of them replied, hesitantly: “We thought you wouldn’t want to come.”

That single sentence stung more than I could have imagined. It wasn’t just the event I’d missed; it was the assumption that my presence didn’t matter enough to even ask.

It hurt. Deeply. I felt excluded, like I belonged nowhere. At first, I tried to fit in laughing at jokes that didn’t resonate with me, attending events I couldn’t afford, and suppressing my feelings to avoid being “the odd one out.” But eventually, I realized something important: I didn’t need to fit into a group that didn’t share my values or understand my struggles. Instead, I focused on building authentic connections with people who accepted me for who I was.

If you’re struggling to find your place, know this: you don’t have to mold yourself to fit someone else’s expectations. You can stand tall, as you are, and find people who value the real you. It might take time, but it’s worth it.

Measure Your Life with Your Own Ruler.

It’s so easy to fall into the comparison trap. Social media doesn’t help. You see someone celebrating a new achievement, a vacation, or a milestone, and suddenly, your own progress feels small.

I remember scrolling through Facebook during exam season. There was my classmate, smiling in a photo captioned, “Just aced another exam!” Meanwhile, I was sitting in my room, surrounded by crumpled notes, feeling like a failure.

“Why is it always me who struggles?” I muttered. Sound familiar?

Eventually, I realized something important: what you see online is just the highlight reel. Behind every picture-perfect moment is a story you don’t know. I started reminding myself that my journey was mine alone. My progress might be slower, but it was still progress. And that mattered.

Celebrate your wins, no matter how small. Got out of bed on a tough day? Win. Finished a difficult assignment? Another win. Found time to call a friend or read a chapter of your favorite book? That’s worth celebrating, too. Your only competition is who you were yesterday.

When I began measuring my life with my own ruler, I felt lighter. Each step forward became meaningful, not because it matched someone else’s pace, but because it was mine.

Dream Big, but Stay Grounded.

“When I get to university, everything will fall into place,” I’d thought. Spoiler alert: it didn’t. University threw curveballs I hadn’t anticipated—harder courses, almost failed exams, and moments of self-doubt.

One semester, I was confident I’d ace a course. I studied hard, attended every lecture, and spent countless nights poring over the material. Yet, when the grades came back, I had barely passed.

“What went wrong?” I asked myself over and over, replaying every decision I’d made. Yes, the subject was challenging, and yes, I struggled to keep up at times. But I had tried my best, given the time, energy, and resources I had.

That was when it hit me: sometimes, “your best” doesn’t translate into perfection, and that’s not a failure. It’s reality. I learned that growth isn’t always measured in grades—it’s in how you navigate the process, adapt to setbacks, and keep going despite the outcome. And that realization? That’s worth more than any letter on a transcript.

It was a revelation. Life isn’t about perfect plans; it’s about adapting when things go awry. Dream big, yes, but leave room for detours. Those detours often teach you more than the destination.

I’ve learned to set ambitious goals while embracing the uncertainty of the path ahead. It’s not always smooth, but that’s where growth happens.

Practice Gratitude.

As a practicing Buddhist, I was taught that gratitude brings peace. But in a world dominated by social media and endless comparisons, staying grounded in gratitude wasn’t easy.

One day, after a particularly tough week, I decided to start small. I grabbed a notebook and wrote down three things I was grateful for: a warm meal from the canteen, a call from my mom, and a quiet evening to study. It felt insignificant at first, but over time, this practice shifted my perspective.

Gratitude doesn’t erase challenges. But it helps you focus on what you do have, rather than what you lack.

Over the years, I’ve found joy in the simplest of things: the laughter of a stranger in the library, the sunrise after a sleepless night, and even the resilience I showed on a particularly hard day. Gratitude allowed me to notice the beauty hidden in the mundane and appreciate the people and experiences that shaped my life.

Celebrate Who You’ve Become.

During my first semester, I got four C’s in my exams. I was crushed.

“What’s the point of even trying?” I thought. Imposter syndrome hit hard. I considered dropping out. But then I looked closer: I also got four A’s and two B’s that same semester. Why wasn’t I celebrating those?

That weekend, I went home, sat with my grades, and told myself, “You did your best. And that’s enough.”

Yes, those C’s lowered my GPA, but they didn’t define me. Each challenge I faced shaped me into someone stronger, more self-aware, and more resilient. And that’s worth celebrating.

University life is a journey messy, unpredictable, and full of lessons. It’s not about chasing a perfect version of yourself or your life. It’s about embracing who you are, finding joy in the present, and giving yourself grace to grow.

The Endless Pursuit of “And Then”

As I look back, I see the “and thens” for what they are: illusions. The idea that happiness is always around the corner keeps us from living in the moment. But when you pause, breathe, and reflect, you realise happiness isn’t a destination, it’s a practice.

So, what will you do today to celebrate your journey? Because you, just as you are, are enough.

Image Courtesy – https://shorturl.at/SHcep